April 2009
1 post
March 2009
2 posts
“A blanket should never be smaller than a person.”
– Self.
February 2009
5 posts
A Reasonable Question
Why does weighing 190 invoke so much cursing?
“Shutthehellup Benson!!!!”
– Mommy Thompkins
“How the Hell did you get up to 190?”
– Alex F.
“Your brother’s a monster. A #%&*%#@ monster.”
– Someone talking to Andy
I Wear A Large
I weighed in at 190 yesterday at the doctor.
December 2008
3 posts
A Conversation With A Girl Wearing Sherpa Boots
Girl: [wearing a really obvious sling; she clearly had recently had shoulder surgery] Hey, do you know what we did on Wednesday?
Benson: [noting the really obvious sling] I wasn't here either, I chose, instead, to sleep.
Girl: Yeah, I had surgery on Wednesday.
Benson: Well, that explains the boots. Zing.
October 2008
5 posts
So I really need to do laundry, I just found some clean socks for today and tomorrow. Count it.
Brown: Proppian Fairy Tale Generator →
Chelsea back anti-racism campaign →
Good work, lads.
September 2008
4 posts
Ma: They say we might be with no power 3-4 days!!! Yikes!!! 100,000+ homes without.
Benson: Come over before the looting begins!
August 2008
2 posts
FDA Approves First Generic Divalproex Sodium →
YEAH!!!
[Later, sadder note: This does not apply to Extended Release, which was introduced in 2000.]
I rode my bike for 48 miles today. Just… going out for a ride.
July 2008
2 posts
“People are always staring, everywhere we go with [Benson].”
– One of the guys on my landscaping team.
“Here is what we’re going to do, give you a new one.”
– The Genius Bar guy at Apple, Boston MA, regarding my new iPhone.
June 2008
2 posts
“When did it get so damn hard to read?”
– Marc D. [I am going to miss that guy.]
May 2008
13 posts
“Sharing is caring.”
– Pretty Ricky. I had an assist today in soccer!
That One Time I Got Shot Down
Benson: Hey Amy, do you remember that one time I asked you to dance with me at Tar Hollow, and you shot me down?
Amy: Oh God. The only reason I shot you down was because Katherine liked you.
Benson: No, you shot me down because you were eating an ice cream cone. There is no need to sugar coat it.
New Mason Jennings Album Out Today →
O-H-I-O how I loathe thee
Emily: Why is it that you think men are more attractive the older they get, and women are more attractive the younger they are?
Benson: Well, that is not always the case, I am not really altogether attracted to older men, and women younger than me are generally illegal to be attracted to, and you can't really write general laws on relationships or attraction because it is not only tacky, but they almost never apply. All of that being said, I would imagine it has something to do with how much men enjoy character, like the scar on my eyebrow, and how women usually do not enjoy character, like laugh lines on their faces, and how their confidence is interrupted thereby.
Emily: You are wrong. You actually think that because of a sociological mindset that you were brought up in, that you were actually unaware of. You were taught that older men are more attractive, actually because they are more likely to have more stable financial backgrounds than younger men, and younger women are more attractive, actually because they are more capable of reproducing than old women.
Benson: Did you really ask me that because you wanted to know what I thought about it?
April 2008
11 posts
Mark Pohl
Mark Pohl Two Years Ago Verbatim, Regarding Me Going to Ohio State: Well, you are going to just be a number.
Mark Pohl Summarized Today: I have no idea who you are.
“Do you really think you have a place in this game?”
– The guy at soccer today.
Summer Plans
andyclark: July 3 - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers July 6 through July 13 - Vacation July 6 & 7 - Boston July 8 & 9 - New York July 10 - Philadelphia July 11 & 12 - Pittsburgh July 13 - Cleveland August 16 - 18 - 3M Performance 400, Michigan International Speedway
“We had a conversation about soccer in sign language the other day. My partner...”
– Laura Murray
From Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut
“I can’t tell if you’re serious or not,” said the driver. “I won’t know myself until I find out whether life is serious or not,” said Trout. “It’s dangerous, I know, and it can hurt a lot. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s serious, too.”